Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
