dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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