why didn't you poke me back
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize
