Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
