It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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