just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
