Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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