i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
