i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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