it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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