Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
