yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
