Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We talked him into tasing himself.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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