I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
