i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
