forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
