you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
