I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
