I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
