Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
