Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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