I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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