Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
