everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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