I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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