There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I want her autograph on my taint
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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