If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I want a musical about memes.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
