Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
