Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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