he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
