where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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