Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
