I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
