There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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