what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
