Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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