Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Randomize
