why didn't you poke me back
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
