there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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