Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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