actually, I'm a sock model
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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