i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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