Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
