I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
