this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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