the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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