my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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