Please, let me fuck your mom
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
