that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
