i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
